30y/o white male.I recently quit going to a therapist ns was seeing for dysthymia. I felt uncomfortable once the therapist would stare in ~ me, silently, after i answered his concerns as ideal I could. The quiet would occasionally last as long as 30 secs to 1 minute. I began to feel prefer I was wasting my time v therapy because it seemed prefer a question and answer session when what i was expecting was much more concrete direction or instructions. Mine questions: Are long pauses appropriate? If so, what purpose do they serve? to be my expectations unrealistic?Ben"s Answer:This is a inquiry of style, or type of treatment that you are doing. Traditionally, it is fairly common because that therapists to take it a an ext receptive approach where they follow her lead, quite than top you top top their very own agenda. Some people may dislike this, yet there is a well created logic come that method of law therapy. In your moments the silence, her ego will feel threatened. It"s a vulnerable position to be in, and one which most people cleverly avoid in every other social situation. Why does silence make us uncomfortable? since we feeling insecure and also inadequate. There is no words to develop a diversion, we"re left with just our naked feel - and also that is other that most of us secretly feel embarrassing of. It"s commonly instilled in us at very early age - that emotion of shame. It"s passed down to united state from ours parents, and also generations ~ above back, right into the mists of time. If a therapist really has some wisdom, and also some deep self-awareness, then permitting those moment of emptiness may finish up being really opportune times for self-discovery. However some therapists make the failure of only going half-way. They develop that silent space, yet then leaving the customer to squirm and also be confused and also not in ~ all sure what this is claimed to accomplish. For this reason it need to really be talked about. Procedure comments

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- like, "you seem uncomfortable when things gain quiet in between us," have the right to open up a an extremely deep and also meaningful discussion. However if it simply feels favor a staring contest, not much benefit is most likely to it is in gained.As the client, you should understand that the is much more than alright to ask the therapist what is happening at those times, and what you"re an alleged to gain. You deserve to just questioning how adjust happens in therapy. If friend ask 10 therapist this question, girlfriend will obtain 10 various answers. They might all be true. Yet you require to know what you"ve signed increase for.Personally I execute some of both: some silent introspection, and also some really directive questions and even advice. And this depends a lot of on the demands of the client I"m working with, and also the nature of our therapy partnership at the time. Part therapists feeling it"s fully wrong to offer advice. Again, it"s just a issue of the therapists approach and also methodology.Ultimately, i think many therapists (to varying extents) re-superstructure the id that the most vital answers need to come from within the client - and not from the therapist.

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Finding your own inner reality is much more meaningful and transformational than being told some little bit of info by a therapist. A therapist"s main job is to it is in a an excellent mirror because that their customer to check out themselves.Hope that helps.Best Wishes,Ben Schwarcz, MFTSanta Rosa Psychotherapist